The Self-Scan Machine

I went to the grocery store the other day. I made the mistake of taking took my 15 year old son along. He is an expert at slipping things into the cart that I don't want to buy. I found him in the produce area, choosing some peaches. I told him I didn't want to buy peaches.

"Do you want me to get scurvy?" he asked.

Scurvy? Okaaayyy. Apparently he WAS paying attention when we toured the Mayflower.

In the dairy aisle, he poked a bony finger into the hole on an egg carton and said, "Do you think it would bother anyone if I poked a hole in this egg?" VERY funny. Not.

We headed to the check-out and he wanted to use the self-scan. Being the helpful lad that he is, he started loading the items into the bag after I scanned them. He inadvertently kept putting his knee on the bagging area, which made the annoying scale go berserk. The computer would then tell me I had an unexpected item in the bagging area. I guess the knee of a 15 year old is a bit unexpected.

It directed us to take the item out. I can't take his knee out of a bag. I took our meat out and put it back in, hoping to appease the great computer dragon. Then it accused us of not having scanned it. Um...yeah...I DID scan it. The girl would come over and clear it out. Next item. We would get a few scanned successfully and then...the knee would return. The stupid computer would malfunction again....I would take an item out...it would make another untrue accusation, etc.

We noticed people behind us whispering and laughing. Sweat started to form on our upper lips as we attempted to complete our purchase. How could we NOT handle this?! Come take a stroll on the walk of shame. argh.

Barely disguising her exasperation, the girl had to come and help us no less than three times, while we felt like idiots. I made the mistake of informing Taylor that it was his fault because he was loading the bags wrong by inserting his knee into the bagging area. He took offense and argued loudly, as more onlookers paused to smirk. Between items, he began bossing me offered me some useless advice on how to use the self-scan. I bit my tongue and tried not to call him a name.

With relief, we came to the end of our items. All the stores here have little super saver cards that you scan to save money. Flustered, I hurriedly flipped through the three new ones that I have on my key chain and scanned the one I needed. "Cannot read...invalid information," the computer flashed. URGH. The girl dutifully came over and cleared it. I scanned my card again. "Cannot read...invalid information," the screen blazed. Well, this is just downright annoying.

The girl looked down at my handful of keys and cards and said pointedly, "This is not Stop & Shop. This is Shaws."

ARGH!

I quickly found the correct card and scanned it. In an attempt to save my last shred of dignity, I said to the amused guy behind me, "Now you can go home and tell your family about the idiots in front of you at the self-check out."

We skulked past the check-out girl in humiliation but busted out laughing in the parking lot. Next time, I'm going by myself.