Thursday, September 08, 2011

For all of you naysayers...

...and scoffers....about my budding career as a gym teacher.

I'll have you know that I DO know my way around a gym.
And I may have given some of you the wrong impression over the years about exercising.

It's true that I am quite lax in that department.
It's also true that now and then, I get on an exercise kick that lasts about three days.

But it's also true that I used to play sports.
I loved them.
I even followed all the wretched 'professional' Detroit teams in our state. Especially the Tigers.
My brother and I knew all the batting averages of our favorite players and ERA's of the pitchers.
If you don't know what ERA'll have to Google it.
I'm not bitter about the fact that I followed the Tigers every year while they battled it out with Cleveland for last place in their division but two years after I got married and moved too far away to listen to any of the games on the radio, they won the stinkin' World Series.

Well anyway....I had to quit playing sports.
You know why?
Because I'm too competitive.
It's a curse.
If you are a teen and playing with the youth group, you can be competitive. Why? Because there are lots of boys and they are competitive too. And I didn't mind ticking off the boys if I stole the ball from them. But the girls? They take it personally.

I like having friends.
Girl friends don't steal the ball from each other.
So I don't play sports.

The last time I played anything was hockey.
It was my first time playing hockey and it was at a winter camp where I was supposed to be a chaperone.
We divided the teams into Canadians vs. Americans.
Bad idea.
Very bad idea.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big ol' American nerd.
I wear red,white and blue on the 4th.
I dress my kids the same.
I am deeply patriotic and it's so perfect that God's choice for our first born's birthday was the 4th of July.

So anyway....
Our team was losing. It was to be expected.
The Canadian team actually wore hockey skates.
The American team didn't even know white, female hockey skates existed.
We wore figure skates.
And we didn't have much of a clue how to play hockey.
Just get the puck. Put it in the net.
And we had seen a few hockey highlights on the news to know that you could 'check' people into the boards.
And we all knew the "Miracle on Ice" story of the American Olympic team. This was our big chance to beat the Canadians at their own sport and create our own little miracle right there at camp Barakel.
{Delusions of grandeur are no stranger to me, apparently.}

Well...we had no boards at this location but we did have snowdrifts along the edges of the rink.
I wanted the puck.
It was in front of a girl. I was behind her.
I wanted the puck.
I am sad to say that all reason completely left me and I pushed her into the snow bank.
I got the puck.
I put it in the net.
I also put myself into the net. But no one said I had to do it gracefully.

The girl was not happy with me for pushing her face into the snow.
I was not very happy with myself for being so mean.
But I knew if the opportunity presented itself, I would do it again.

So I don't play sports anymore.
Because I can't seem to control myself.

I play with my kids now and that is okay because I have no need to win.
It's the need to win that seems to be the problem for me.


Yvette said...

Rolling! this is so funny! The problem I find now is the my oldest is so NOT competitive and . it . makes . me . CRAZY!! I am not quite the crazy parent on the sidelines - only because I figured out if I get a latte before the game I have something close to my mouth and if I get up and move it'll end up on my shirt!!

Lori said...

Wow, that was a long-winded post defending your PE teacher abilities! LOL

I sense your competitiveness in that alone.

You will kick some elementary hiney with your killer PE skills, I just know it. Those little children won't know what hit 'em. They will learn to scratch and claw their way to victory, all because of YOU!!

Woo hoo!!!! I'm all pumped up now!!

:)De said...

Funny! but the part that got me most excited was the mention of Camp Barakel!!! I went there as a child and was even a CIT for a couple of years. Loved that camp.

Kim K. said...

You totally crack me up. I can't wait to hear all about your PE adventures. Are you still following Detroit sports? How about those Tigers??? HUGS from MI.

trustandobey said...

Wow! Sooommmeebbodddyyy is a leeetle sensitive today!
Ok, that was enough sports terms to convince me. I'm a believer:)
Go team!

Kim Priestap said...

I was extremely competitive when I was younger. I still am. Back in grade school, I was the only girl allowed to play tackle football during lunchtime recess because I was the only girl who could handle being tackled and had no problem rolling around in the mud to capture a fumbled football.

So, I get where you're coming from.

Tesseraemum said...

Seriously, 1st of all you didn't need those girl friends if they couldn't handle your competativeness (umm, I know I spelled that wrong!) Anyhoo..Nothing wrong with a little healthy competition! I just got home from dinner out with 2 of my more cut throat friends! We have been friends since the 5th grade! We have been known to scare the beejeebies out of the boys (and girls) on youth group camping trips! We also were known to have been the only girls in the entire rec basketball league in our town! they had to let us in. It was 1979 after all! Don't get me started on the WII we don't even own one but my older kids won't play with me...My 5 yr old hasn't figured out that she can't beat me so she keeps trying. I am not going to sit idly by and let them turn all mushy and let them win!!! Sheri

Jean said...

Haha! I had a bit of a reputation in college among the womans flag football teams! Yep.. I did! And I was proud of it!